I will echo many of the suggestions that beaublue mentioned, but I wanted to specifically talk about a couple of sets of choices that I experienced as Jhorrick. 1. I really enjoyed the memory sequence toward the end of the demo, and the lack of control that I felt. That is what I expect with a character focused on memory loss. I hope this kind of strategy continues on.
2. I felt slightly confused when I let the indigenous people take one of the party, and everyone seemed to dislike that. Why did they feel that way?
3. I felt like Jhorrick frequently has the choice of several snippy ways of speaking in conversation (which is fine), but the other person in the conversation appears to not care each time. I would personally take a little offense if someone spoke to me like that IRL, and I didn't see that while playing.
Hi! Thanks so much, for playing and commenting - this is super useful feedback. With respect to 2: Diego and Mazel are the two most altruistic members of the party and don't like leaving someone behind - but maybe I'll think of some ways to make their reactions more natural!
For me, the game is sometimes written in a too casual way, especially the dialogue in the intro. Not saying that's bad necessarily, but I felt more like reading a story from someone's blog than exploring a mysterious tome. I do see that you can write though.
Not all the choices felt meaningful. It feels like the affect only the dialogue, instead of giving a direction to the story.
I like that I didn't get overwhelmed with text. Clicking "continue" before getting more to read is a good choice.
I regret to say that I didn't really care for the story too much. Perhaps because the outcome feels predetermined (you're reading a book after all). I hoped that it might be a more like The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante. I felt like I had more choice in what is being said, than where the story is going to go.
Diego de Francisco de la Rosa- the double "de" feels weird. I don't think that's common. Perhaps you meant to write "Diego Francisco de la Rosa"?
Please do not take this feedback in a negative way, and remember that those are my personal opinions. You've done a great job overall.
Hi - thanks so much for the feedback! That all resonates with me and is generally stuff I planned to work on - so that's very helpful as it tells me what to prioritise!
The most meaningful choices in the story are yet to come and a lot of what's already there is exposition - but I also feel the need to add more choice and consequence in this first part. If there was any point where you thought "I'd like to be able to make the story go here" or "the consequences to this choice should have been this" that would be super useful to hear.
I'm also planning to heavily rewrite the intro. It doesn't serve the tone of the story well enough yet. The tone of the book needs to be spookier and the player dialogue need a rethink. I have ideas!
I'll also check out The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante because there's nothing better than an example of things done well! 😉
The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante is the best example of this kind of game that I think you are going for. It's great when it comes to showing consequence of choices, and the overall presentation and writing is in my opinion, perfect. The choices affect the story to such a degree that the game can get replayed several times.
> If there was any point where you thought "I'd like to be able to make the story go here" or "the consequences to this choice should have been this" that would be super useful to hear. I will try to play through as another character when I have time and see if I have any more concrete feedback when it comes to this.
When you update your game, don't hesitate to write me a comment, if you will have the need for some feedback.
Well written intro. Enjoyed the simple yet logical options in the game play. Appreciated that I wasn't overloaded with too much before making another decision.
Thank you so much! I'm trying to avoid walls of text and follow a rule of "the player character doesn't speak or act without you initiating it" so I'm glad that made a difference.
If there's anything that could make it better, please let me know - my gut says that the transition into picking one of the player characters could be smoother, for example.
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I quite liked playing Cellica's path ! Interesting story so far I'm really enjoying ♡
Thank you so much! I appreciate you saying that - it really helps motivate me to keep writing.
I'm hoping the next update will expand both the story and the technical capabilities of the game - watch this space!
I will echo many of the suggestions that beaublue mentioned, but I wanted to specifically talk about a couple of sets of choices that I experienced as Jhorrick.
1. I really enjoyed the memory sequence toward the end of the demo, and the lack of control that I felt. That is what I expect with a character focused on memory loss. I hope this kind of strategy continues on.
2. I felt slightly confused when I let the indigenous people take one of the party, and everyone seemed to dislike that. Why did they feel that way?
3. I felt like Jhorrick frequently has the choice of several snippy ways of speaking in conversation (which is fine), but the other person in the conversation appears to not care each time. I would personally take a little offense if someone spoke to me like that IRL, and I didn't see that while playing.
Hi! Thanks so much, for playing and commenting - this is super useful feedback. With respect to 2: Diego and Mazel are the two most altruistic members of the party and don't like leaving someone behind - but maybe I'll think of some ways to make their reactions more natural!
Please do not take this feedback in a negative way, and remember that those are my personal opinions. You've done a great job overall.
Hi - thanks so much for the feedback! That all resonates with me and is generally stuff I planned to work on - so that's very helpful as it tells me what to prioritise!
The most meaningful choices in the story are yet to come and a lot of what's already there is exposition - but I also feel the need to add more choice and consequence in this first part. If there was any point where you thought "I'd like to be able to make the story go here" or "the consequences to this choice should have been this" that would be super useful to hear.
I'm also planning to heavily rewrite the intro. It doesn't serve the tone of the story well enough yet. The tone of the book needs to be spookier and the player dialogue need a rethink. I have ideas!
I'll also check out The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante because there's nothing better than an example of things done well! 😉
The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante is the best example of this kind of game that I think you are going for. It's great when it comes to showing consequence of choices, and the overall presentation and writing is in my opinion, perfect. The choices affect the story to such a degree that the game can get replayed several times.
> If there was any point where you thought "I'd like to be able to make the story go here" or "the consequences to this choice should have been this" that would be super useful to hear.
I will try to play through as another character when I have time and see if I have any more concrete feedback when it comes to this.
When you update your game, don't hesitate to write me a comment, if you will have the need for some feedback.
Well written intro. Enjoyed the simple yet logical options in the game play. Appreciated that I wasn't overloaded with too much before making another decision.
Thank you so much! I'm trying to avoid walls of text and follow a rule of "the player character doesn't speak or act without you initiating it" so I'm glad that made a difference.
If there's anything that could make it better, please let me know - my gut says that the transition into picking one of the player characters could be smoother, for example.